Jacq's

tis is e stories which i mention in my previous post..

Corporate lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds
of arguing
over which one should go and answer the doorbell,
the wife gives up,
quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens
the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says
a word, Bob says,"I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel that you
have on" After thinking for a moment, the woman
drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob
hands her $800 and
leaves. Confused, but excited about her good
fortune, the woman wraps
back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
she gets back to the
bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was
that?" "It was
Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great,"
the husband says, "did he say anything about the
$800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you
may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side
of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which
she accepted. She got in and crossed her
legs,forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely
leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily
slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and
immediately said, "Father,remember psalm 129?" The
priest was flustered and apologised profusely. He
forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was
unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on
while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her
leg again. The nun once again said, "Father,
remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest
apologised. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a
meaningful glance and went on her way. On his
arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It
Said, "Go forth and
seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral Of The Story:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might
miss a great opportunity

Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager
are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil
lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of
smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three
wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me
first! Me first!" says the admin clerk "I want to be
in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care
in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment,
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to
be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an Endless supply of pina-coladas and the
love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up,"
the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I
want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The
crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat
on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a
sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate
it.

Management lesson
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why
don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The
turkey pecked at
a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth
night,there he was proudly perched at the top of the
tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.

Corporate Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It
was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in
a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came
by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird
lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realise how warm
it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He
lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing
for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!