9:56pm
jabez has been really abnormal these few days.. i know wad's e reason behind it.. but i insist NOT giving him wad he wants.. i really dislike babies to suck pacifier.. finally, i gave in today.. i let him suck pacifier.. even though i really hate it.. hais.. canot help.. he keeps crying.. and these few days temper very bad.. will even pek cek wif u.. *zzz*
dear today off day.. whole day play soccer game.. im so irritated w him can!! i noe he at my house very wu liao lar.. but den he pei his com can liaos lors.. FUCK!! ytd also go out.. out till near to 4am den come back.. i 1mth canot go out.. also lidat.. i so xinku also lidat.. y he canot understand me also? he can go enjoy den i muz stay at hm.. im really yearning for him to say words like, "thanks for giving birth to jabez" or some nice words.. but till now haber heard any from him.. my siblings tell me they sense smth's wrong wif mi few days ago.. they say i like having "chan hou you yu zheng".. my siblings can sense smth wrong wif mi.. he lehs? he nv sense anything ok! I NEED ATTENTION FROM HIM!! im nt getting any!! im getting so pissed off w him can!! but also dun wanna complain abt it.. cos he everyday wrk, come back slp.. den nowadays wake up very early to feed baby or change his diapers.. but i really want some attention from him!! hais.. y he so "si bah" (in hokkien) = dead skin lar.. hais.. feel so worthless.. so stupid.. rather look at jabez lar..
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