11:28pm
dear's off day ytd.. went town.. w the idea of trying hello kitty lucky draw dips.. and also to spend finish our Isetan vouchers.. but when i reach Isetan Scotts Level 4, where the Sanrio shop is.. my mood for lucky draw sorta died down.. i hesitated for quite some time.. walk in and out like 3 times.. end up, i never play.. afterall the items are not exactly attractive.. except for the hello kitty airpot? haha.. somemore must buy items up to $10 den pay another $10 den can play the lucky draw.. i browse around, there's really nothing that catches my eye.. got one.. a hello kitty bag that looks something like juicy couture.. but it cost $80! not at this moment! but after coming back hm, my mind keeps thinking of that bag..>.< den i saw toothbrush.. dear say get that.. one for me one for him.. WAHAHAHAHAHA!! but nv buy any in the end lar.. like very waste money.. he spend finish his voucher after getting himself a shirt.. from Van Heusen.. and a pair of bermudas from UME for only $9.90! dirt cheap! go cashier.. i wanted to apply for the Isetan priviledge card - solely because of the private sale..=x den this CB AUNTIE!!! DAMN!! she say, must have singapore address.. i was like.. HUH?? so i ask her.. don't we look like singaporean?? she say no lar.. cos scared u all don't have singapore add.. thought u all malaysian.. !@#@$#% i feel like slapping her on the spot!! nvm.. auntie eyesight no good.. i shall forgive her!! *zzz* after filling up e form, jitao no mood to apply liaos.. so nv apply lor.. so sad can!! TMD!! had dinner at PepperLunch.. im SICK of it alr.. no more PepperLunch for me!! -,- straight after dinner, we bought some bread from Sun Moulin.. we were attracted by the LOOKS of it.. yes, my FIRST time eating them.. it SUCKS! totally.. the price is quite expensive.. but the bread taste sOoo jialat! even lousier den those from PrimaDeli!! super cannot make it.. but the looks of it like very very yummy.. end up, so disappointing.. we tried our all time fav meat floss bread.. *omgz.. very dry!! the bread got no butter taste.. and the bread is not soft at all!! bad! bad! bad! VERY BAD!!
i read a post by someone.. i feel like luffing! the pot calling the kettle black! *dia0z.. reflect upon urself lar.. bcos u're no better den her lehs.. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
i failed terribly as a mummy.. im not a good mother.. not gd enuff for jabez.. dear once said to me, "you love and dote jabez alot.. but u did not sacrifice alot for him.." i don't understand.. because i felt ive done so much.. yet others think that ive not.. i felt that ive tried my best.. yet others think ive not.. maybe i really did not.. afterall, ive always been e spoilt one since young.. even up till now i tink.. maybe wad ive done is just the norms for most of the others out there.. no big deal.. but i already thought it as very big deal.. am i wrong? what should i do? aunt told me, "jabez be ur son very ke lian.." i felt like crying when she said that to me.. i controlled my tears very very hard.. i know she tried telling me in a very nice way alr.. cos she noes im very sensitive and she's very scared will hurt mi.. so i really dare not show my emotions.. i scared later she will not say wad mistakes i make nxt time.. so i dun dare to cry.. after e conversation, she went hm, call me and tell me, "dun think too much k.. wad i say earlier doesnt meant anything.. u alr very gd alr.. compare to 'someone'.. i notice these days u've put in effort alr.." tell me not to think too much.. i was hurt deeply.. very very hurt.. i don't understand what went wrong w the way i took care of him.. when i went over to grandma's house.. what i do, they MUST say one.. they MUST correct me.. but to mi, i feel that whatever they tell me is "duo yu" one.. extra one.. i feel tat wad they ask me to do is the SAME!! i don't c the point in their logic at all.. but den again, i prefer to believe in them because i trust them.. sometimes when i told them facts or research which i read from the internet or forum.. i told them abt it.. they brushed it off and say that i read too much.. or call i siao.. i don't know issit because i am wrong.. or issit because we got gap.. maybe cos im young.. so they feel that wadeva i say are just craps.. im so torn between the stuffs that i read and their 'logic'.. but whatever it is, after the conversation, i do feel that im quite wrong in some ways.. also feel abit thankful for wad aunt told me.. *s0bx* will try my best.. and change myself.. i want to be a good mummy!
luckily, im staying over at my parents' house.. i know myself as a very strong-headed and stubborn person.. if im staying at my mil's house.. i cfm ki siao.. at my parents' place, i can 'argue' w them.. but mil.. how to argue? everything haf to keep inside my heart.. end up also make hubby in difficult position.. ya, i very hard to get along one.. so i tell hubby, next time, i dun wan jabez to stay w us.. dun wan make him in difficult position.. haha.. especially when his mum is sOooo hard to wait upon! LOL! trust mi, im one difficult person.. VERY VERY difficult to live with! no one can tahan me one! except my dearest hubby of course! LOL!
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