1:15am
i shall wait for sis to gimme e green light before i do anything.
today's not a good day.
why are all men so retarded towards their own kid? i know dear loves jabez alot. but sometimes, he think too simple liaos. today i was preparing to go out so dear look after for jabez for awhile. den i heard something breaks. like a jar or smth. i din bother abt it. i tot its my mum. i came out of e rm, i saw tat my mum's not clearing anything. so it cldnt be her who break smth! my first instinct, i quickly went to e living rm to c if jabez's there! true enuff.. he broke e jar of redang sand which yf got for mi during her hols! i was sooooo angry and scared. i cried like nobody's business.. u noe where is he? in the room! blardy hell. after all of them gather, i went into e rm and lock myself out. w jabez in their hands. i dunno y my heart was racing up n down. mins later, i went out again and took jabez frm his hands. ask him to leave jabez alone. i was so blardy scared. no one understands how i feel. i check whether any bits of glasses is on him anot. true enuff, his hands in between gt some bits&pieces. went to wash his hands. u c the difference between wad mi and dear did? im not saying i li hai or wad. but why when it comes to handling kids, they dun tink as detailed as us? i feel very upset. even after e whole incident has ended, i still cry once in awhile bcos it still scares me. how can he leave jabez alone in e living rm and went into e rm and do other things? he told mi he just went into e rm to get smth he tot for a few min nia.. den he forget abt jabez.. how conveniently! wah piangs!
den my mum come n kpkb mi. say i only noe how to throw temper lar blahblahblah. end up i quarrel w her lor. i hate it when ppl interfere. cant she c who's right and who's wrong now. its obviously sam's fault and y is she siding him? quarrelled w her. i told her, jabez's not her son. of cos she can talk till so nonchalently. she told mi, jabez is much more impt den anyone to her. much more impt den mi. i know i know. but i said it in a fit of anger. den i kpkb her abt her job thingy. she told mi she's going back to wrk. i am blardy angry! i ask her alot of times if she's serious abt quitting her job b4 coming back to wrkforce. i am not in need of cash. i am not in need of a job. i went to wrk purely becos of my mother! i wanted to look after jabez all da way till he can go childcare. cos in tat case, he can learn things in childcare as well as e expense is cheaper den hiring a maid or nanny. while she's @ home, im darn slack. makes mi damn lazy. so it makes no diff if im @ hm looking after him or not tat's y i choose to go back to workforce hoping tat i can contribute abit. she still tell me, yes faster go find a job. den now she tell mi things lidat u tell mi how can not angry! i told her she's not obliged to look after my kid. but when u tell ppl smth, how can u just go back on ur words? even though she has arrange for my aunt to look after him.. but, i would rather give her the money den my aunt! bcos afterall, is my own mum i nid to give her money mahs. y wun she understand? i dun wan her to wrk w her health. she's aging. its time for US to support her fully instead. but we're not doing so. hais. and now, she just went out w/o informing us and off her hp. make mi darn worried. sam&boi went to look for her at e places tat she could be at but she's nowhere to b found. pls pray tat nth happens to her.
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