Jacq's

3rd July 2003

I really can't deny my feelings for mel anymore.. I do like him.. Although I still don't know whether I like him alot or nt.. I juz know that I realli like him.. I listen to the songs that he used to like.. Zhang Yu - Qu Zhong Ren San.. It makes me cry.. I finally knew how he muz have felt when I was with Lion.. I felt guilty and at the same time, I felt really bad.. Of all person he could like, why muz he be interested in my nu er? I guess I am selfish.. Not wanting to let go of him.. I know he have been suffering alotx.. But, I really can't bear to let him go.. I know I'm very bad.. Since I have found me bf.. I should be contented.. And I really admit that Lion is still the one whom I want to be with.. But.. I really can't say that I'm fine with the fact that mel is in love with my nu er.. I guess no one can understand how I feel.. Being in love with 2 guys.. It sux.. It really sux.. I wish I could juz break off with Lion but that does not mean I wan to be with mel.. I juz wish to be alone.. Alone in my own world.. Clear of what I really want.. I am really tired.. Tired of everything.. About relationships.. About life.. I really can't take it.. But.. I really can't live without Lion.. He is the one who makes my life brightens up.. With him, I know why do I live in this world for.. With him, I know my goal for life.. He affects my life.. But why? Why does mel affects me that much as well? Izzit bcoz I can't accept the fact that he is no longer in love with me? I dunno.. From the day I get to know mel thru ahger.. He has always been there for me.. Always my support.. Without him around.. I really don't know what to do.. aRgHx~! God..! Juz tell me what I wan.. And I will do what you think what I wan.. Bcoz now.. I really can't understand.. I can't figure out what I really want..:( The more I listen to this song.. The more I cries.. Tell me what to do.. Pls! Mel and me.. Really impossible ler.. No matter how much I want him back.. We will never be together.. And I know.. I don't desire him more than I desire for Lion.. But.. I really really dont UNDERSTAND why did mel bothers me so much! *siGhx*

- im juz a bad girl.. in tis bad world..:(

If you needa tok to me, email to icyflame87@yahoo.com