Jacq's

28th Sept 2003

Todae hor.. Went to Marina South to hab steamboat.. Was waiting for xiaoahger they all when I saw weiqing, julia and jinfeng.. All of them is bryan's best frens lo.. Except for julia hu is weiqing's stead.. I jitao stun.. They act like bo c mi.. Den ok lo.. Forget abt it.. Reach there liaox, I cook for mel nehx..! lOlx.. Nan de bahx..? Haix.. While I was cooking, we was like stead lo.. lOlx..!! But afterall, we are still close frens.. No matter wad, mi and mel is bu ke neng de.. Coz we 2 too close ler bahx.. So hor.. Be fren still the best.. I was thinking like, "mel, u damn lucky sia.. gt mi cook for u.. lolx.. lion oso no hab.." Well, I dun think lion will ever hab the chance.. Go back home tht time, mel n mi tok ma.. Abt the past.. Tok abt lion, realli make mi damn sian.. I realli dunno wad he wan.. If he dun contact mi or anithing liaox, at least I noe tht he dun lub mi ler.. He dun wanna contact mi animore.. But tht he still gt cor mi everyday.. Ytd nite, after he go chiong gt home hor, he cor mi nor.. It's juz like last time.. We are nt together but I seems happier when we r together.. Mayb like wad he always sae himself, he is a lousy bf bahx.. I dunno.. Though happier when we nt together, I still wan us to be together.. Coz when we together, we happi tht time, realli damn happi.. I realli gotta admit that he dun loves mi de.. I cfm lo.. He had nv ever love mi.. One-sided love bahx.. Mel tell mi go jio him.. But can I..? If I jio him patch n he agrees, den I will.. The prob is, lion himself is unsure lo.. Lion dun tell mi.. I oso can feel it de.. He cor mi everyday is nt bcoz he like mi bahx.. Mayb is bcoz bcum a habit liao or wad.. Another factor is, if mi n him realli together liaox, can we like last time..? I dunno.. He hurt mi realli deep.. I dunno y oso.. I am also afraid that if patch liao, break again.. I tell u, another time hor, I realli will die.. To him, break is ok de lo.. When he break tht time, he still can tell mel tht he is back to happy-go-lucky ler.. WTF sia..?! He is nt at the least affected lo.. I keep telling myself, he loves mi de.. Juz tht he nt gd to mi nia.. But his heart still gt mi de.. WAKE UP!! Time to wake up!! I'm deceiving myself all along lo.. I felt very empty.. Realli.. I dunno wad to do at all.. He realli very cruel.. That's wad alot of my frens sae.. Of all time to break, he wan to choose the day b4 my exams.. Y huhx..? This factor alone is able to sae tht he dun gib a fuck of hw I am doing lo.. My first stead to scold mi bad words.. Ever heard of tht..? I realli feel damn hurt when tht time he lidat scold mi.. He so stubborn, wad can I do..? Me oso very stubborn de.. I noe 1.. Arbo, |cYaNn juz tell mi.. Lolx.. She sae, "I actually dun like u when u angry de.. But when u nt angry, i like ur company.." I am stubborn, yes.. But bcoz of lion, I learn hw to hong ppl even when I noe its nt my fault.. You always sae tht when I am at fault, I wun sae its my fault.. You go and think urself bahx.. When is the time when u r at fault..? Always is my fault de.. But sometime, u gotta ask other ppl ard u.. Not onli bear.. The onli person u ask is bear.. Of coz he will sae nt ur fault.. Coz u his buddy ma.. He wun dare to agitate u more.. You go ask ard.. Hu is the one being stubborn? I try to do alot of things to make him happi.. But in the end.. Haix.. Mel in his blog, sae tht mi n lion gt couple look.. Lolx.. Alot of ppl lidat sae us ler.. But so wad..? Gt couple look but canot last wad's the use..? *siGhx* Listening to Huang Ping Yuan - Ni Zhe Me She De Wo Nan Guo now at netradio.. Haix.. Y he she de..? Dun he feel a single thing de ma..? YF tell mi tht day i tell her mi n lion over hor.. She sae I was smiling, but she can c that im feeling sad.. I realli am feeling sad.. But wad can I do..? It's all over..

Westlife - Miss You
Air Supply - Goodbye
Huang Ping Yuan - Ni Zhe Me She De Wo Nan Guo
My feelings can realli be describe by these 3 songs sia..:(

- wad's done is done.. canot b undone.. -