Jacq's

17th Oct 2003

Life has been so sucky for me lately.. Quarrel wid alot of ppl within a few days.. *siGhx* I guess I am sucky myself bahx.. Edwin, pls pls pls.. Dun create anymore trouble for me animore.. Dun do those unnecessary stuff.. Coz, mi n u is bu ke neng de.. As for raion.. Sorry, i cant bottle up my feelings animore.. I dun wan to forget abt tis webby.. Coz, alot of things is inside.. But, i promise to get it locked asap.. Was talking in msn wid Ecko days ago.. What she told mi i realli feel very hurt.. Realise tht I hab been a substitute all along.. Well, that guy also dun care ler.. He dun care what will happen to mi.. He dun care what am i feeling or wadsoever.. Msg him in msn.. He chose to ignore mi.. I come online nia, he gotta put tht away sign.. WTF?! Im juz trying to treat him as a fren back.. I dun wanna lose him as a fren as well.. I mean, cant we still be frens..? *siGhx* Haber been able to concentrate on mi studies lately.. Din touch bks lately lo.. Very cham.. But, wad to do.. Always tok to yongkiat and jedi_cola till very late.. Always bu she de close msn.. lOlx~ Todae jedi nt gonna come online.. Gonna miz him wor.. Coz he gotta work.. *siGhx* Realli enjoy both their company.. At least gt some1 to occupy my time..=X That time, mel angry wid mi bcoz of lion.. Really very scary sia.. 1st time see he angry wid mi till ignore mi.. >.<~ Den the nxt day, i go bugis wid qx ma.. Den he call qx to pei him go eat dinner.. I oso go nor.. Ran hou.. We man man talk de.. On the way hm.. I lie on his shoulder.. lOlx~ It's been so long since I lie on some1's shoulder.. *sObx* Somemore, is when we take bus 197.. *siGhx* The same old usual seat as well.. Double-deck.. Haix.. Den he bring mi go hm.. Ask mi pei him talk for awhile.. He tried to lie on the bench.. But I too fat la.. Nt enuff space for him.. lOlx~ Den he sae, na zhou kai ni de plastic bag.. He sae he wanna lie on mi leg.. I tot he wun de.. Zhui zhi dao.. He realli lie sia!! lOlx..~ I jitao stun! Haha.. Realli stunner.. He ask mi 12am wake him up.. Only 7min to 12am.. But it seems like a lifetime sia.. Coz I gt nth to do ma.. Play wid mel's hp.. lOlx~ Tht day go bugis.. Is the day I'm most happi since the breakup.. Bought a few clothes oso.. Realli love the black 1.. Woohoo~ My favourite sia.. Gonna wear it on mi bdae..=X Haix.. Bdae.. I dunno y.. Juz gt a feeling tht I will cry on mi bdae.. Whether izzit too sad or too happi.. I dunno.. I onli noe I will shed tears.. I very bad mouth de lo.. Wadeva I sae, cfm will happen de.. Juz like since mi r/s wid lion.. I alreadi predict tht mi n him.. Cfm wun last long de.. Most prob abt a few months nia.. And, it realli happens.. *siGhx* Since he oso dun care ler.. Why should i? But the prob is.. Can i not care? Haix.. It's been a month liaox.. I first time wait for a guy.. I realli inexperience in waiting.. lOlx~ But, wad else can I do except wait..? My heart.. Only gt him.. It might take years to mend it back.. I dunno.. Why I so stupid? Bcum spare tyre still wanna wait for him.. Abit lame sia.. Tink of it realli farnie.. It's nt as if wo mei ren yao!! hErrrrrRrrr~~ Haix.. Den ytd.. Di siao trinity until very farnie sia.. I tink of it.. Wanna luff oso.. lOlx~ He sae his parents allow him bring gf back to slp de.. So I sae, ok lo.. I go ur hse zzz on the dae of mi bdae.. He sae dun 1 la.. Go mel's hse betta.. I sae i dun 1.. I go till sianx ler.. Wanna change environment den I also sae I scare mel rape mi..=X He sae nvm la.. nowadays underage sex very common ler.. lOlx.. I tell him I dun 1.. Onli allow him rape.. lOlx~ Lame sia.. Realli chio ka peng.. Hehe.. Damn farnie hor?! Haha.. Hmm.. Bu guo sometimes, I still feel very empty lo.. It's like something is missing in mi life.. *siGhx* qX sae I dun look like I love him alotx wor.. Hmm.. Mayb bcoz I tend to luff alot when I'm outside.. But when im at home.. I cry at the slightest thing.. Alittle bit of memory of him.. I will cry.. All i will do is cry cry cry.. Really gd for nothing sia.. But for nw, I juz wish tht mi n him still can be frens.. I dun ask much bahx.. Haix.. >.<~

- it hurts.. but, i will try n take it.. it doesnt matter whether u still lub mi.. coz i noe.. i will onli lub u frm nw on.. -