Jacq's

6th Oct 2003

Went to Bugis with meL and star todae.. Before going there, me and meL go je eat lunch ma.. Den as we were on our way, I saw Bryan lehx!! OMG~!! I was like so stunned!! I quickly turn to meL, act like nv see him lidat.. *siGhx* After tht, I hv been thinking abt him.. I realli very bad.. Feel so guilty.. Shldnt hab treat him so bad de.. Y muz I break his heart..? *sObx* Now, I gt my retribution ler.. *siGhx* Tml is his bdae wor.. Dunno wad to do.. Shld I send him a present or wad..? Or act like nothing? *siGhx* I dunno..:( When we enter the MRT, mi n star chit-chat on meL's fone.. Star and her bf break ler ma.. She was upset, of course.. I dunno her tht well so I cant realli console her.. Den, she ask mi and him how ler..? I tell her, I'm still waiting for him.. She sae, I can just forget it.. She noe lion too well.. Most likely wun patch de.. I told her, y did she sae tht..? Lion still lub mi ma.. Still gt chance de.. She replied, guys are lidat de.. Break liao will sae still lub.. But actually, dun lub de.. If lion realli lub u, he wun break wid u in the first place.. I was very near to tears lo.. I realli nearly cried.. But told myself, I musnt shed a tear for him ever again.. So I din in the end.. Brave bahx..? lOlx~ I told her.. Wo bu gan xin why I treat him so gd and I gt tis kind of result.. Why bell treat him lidat.. He treat her so gd..? Star sae, mayb coz lion realli loves her..? Guess she was right? Has he been deceiving all along..? I very very fan.. After wad star told mi, I was thinking abt it the whole day.. She tell mi even if patch liao so wad..? Patch ler, break again wun I be more cham? If no patch at all, wun I be more cham? If he one day tell u find another gf ler, wun I be more cham? My answer is, yes yes yes and yes.. I will be very very cham.. I realli will go crazy lo.. *siGhx* I wan to stay optimistic.. I dun wan to be so pessimistic.. I hab to tell myself that he still loves mi to keep myself going on.. If one day, he realli dun 1 mi.. Tell mi that it's really through between us.. I dunno wad I will do.. I wonder why he will still call me daily..? Izzit out of sympathy? Izzit because he knows I can't live without him that's y he take the effort to call? Or izzit bcoz he is afraid that the girl that he loves reject him den he can come baq to mi..? I dunno.. So many izzit in my head.. I very fan.. Very luan.. Am I very stupid..? Or very bu yao lian? I guess I am bahx.. >.<~ If he realli cares, he will ans my questions.. But instead, he choose to keep quiet, act like he nv saw.. I dunno la.. *siGhx* While me and meL was at je, meL say, if lion jio u patch on ur bdae tht dae, that would be the biggest and happiest present.. lOlx~ True though..:) Will that happen..? Dun tink so bahx.. Actualli, the hope of him getting back to me is diminishing.. I wanted to be there for him like when we were an item.. I wanted to hear him sae 'I Love You' again.. I realli wish I could hug him again.. *siGhx*

- can tears wash away my misery..? -