Jacq's

25th Nov 2003

Lately, we always end our conversation till very unhappy.. *siGhx* Now very tired.. Pei dear play gb till nw haber slp.. >.<~ I very very frustrated ar!!!!!! :( Juz nw lion force mi to sae mi ans.. I tell him I choose sam.. Both of us kept quiet for quite some time b4 we started to talk again.. He ask mi, u realli wanna choose sam? I told him.. I dunno..:( Y sia.. Y am I having such difficulty to choose? I realli am in a dilemma.. Sam kept on asking mi whether I love him or nt.. And everytime, my ans to him is a NO.. He heard lerx very sad.. But I dun wanna hurt him deeper.. I dun 1 him to think that I love him den in the end I choose lion liaox he kenna hurt.. I noe he loves mi.. And, he realli very dote mi lo.. Ytd ytd go eat wid QX.. I told her abt sam.. Den she sae har, sam realli very dote on u.. Coz I tell her sam was willing to go and take his o lvl again.. I very happi tat sam was willing to go take o lvl for mi sake lo.. I mean, which ger wouldnt? The feelings tat sam gives mi is when mi n bryan was steadying tat time.. We were realli like old old couple.. Me and him very close.. Too close till I kinda sian of him? I dunno lehx.. Haix.. Wad do I wan actualli sia? I wanted lion.. Coz its wad I've been awaiting for.. But, i felt tat he is still unsure of hu he realli wants.. He ask mi for a patch up izzit bcoz he needed some1 2 b there for him and, he wanted xy but he noes its impossible between him and xy tat's y he jio mi patch? I very fan lehx.. Alot of questions kept on running in my head.. I dreamt of lion last nite.. Was a very sweet dream though.. But, it seems so unreal.. >.<~ Sometimes, I tried to think of ways to tell sam tat I wan a breakup.. But, I cant thought of any.. How am I going to tell him tat I want a breakup w/o hurting him? Sometimes, I oso tried to tell lion tat I wan sam instead of him.. But, I cant bring miself to.. *siGhx* What shld I do?! aRgHx~! I tink har, i c nw who treat mi betta i choose hu lohx.. But har, lately lion always angry wid mi.. I wanted to gib him an ans straightaway.. But, I realli dunno wad to give ma!! Haix.. Den he keep on asking mi~ End up he dulan.. *siGhx* I very scare.. I scare tat I will regret lo.. It's like if mi n lion patch, den he break wid mi again.. Den I will start to hate miself de lo.. Den I will keep asking miself.. Y i tat time wanna patch wid him blah blah blah.. And I noe i will had a hard time forgiving miself de lo.. aRghX~~~~~~~ What shld i do sia..?! Juz nw fila call mi, sae he and xuan brk lerx.. I tink i expected it? Hmmx.. Dunno y, but I juz felt tat since fila go in ns.. Their r/s has been more n more worst.. I expected it to b sooner.. But well, they last till nw.. I tink will patch de bahx.. They together so long lerx nw break, very ke xi sia.. I dun understand y some gers juz couldnt wait for their guy in NS.. I mean isnt it the same as like wrking? I felt tat a guy in NS is like a guy wrking lohx.. No big differ actualli.. Den har, I realli feel like quiting nr and join 48.4fm.. but har, I realli bu she de mi bunch of fren~ Joke, cindy and nut quit nr todae.. Lame reasons they give.. Wadeva it is, juz feel weird tat joke wld give up nr.. I tink, if i leave nr at tis time, it would be the most bad time to leave.. So, I juz hab to stay in nr i guess..:( Aniwae, I felt tat I will choose lion in the end bahx.. I dunno y.. Its like mi frens kept on telling mi hw bad he is and y i shldnt get baq wid him.. However, I felt tat I want to b baq wid him.. Mayb, I do still loves him.. I dunno.. But y izzit tat tat time in the cinema, the feeling is differ? *siGhx* CAN SOME1 GIMME AN ANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aRgHx~

- i nid an ans pls! -